Playing catch up
I was in Thailand for two weeks, and for the life of me, I couldn’t make myself meditate.
This is a habit I’ve created for myself that is solid. Every morning I meditate for 20 minutes immediately after I wake up, and every afternoon I meditate for 20 minutes after lunch.
And yet, on this vacation where I literally had nothing else to do, I just couldn’t do it. I wrote it down in the notes section of my phone because it really bothered me. I’d come back to it later.
When I sat down to do a post mortem now two months after the trip, I kept remembering waking up and having this immense urge to check my phone. A large part of this is due to a phone addiction that I’m actively working to diminish, but I have that phone addiction when I’m in the states too, and I’m still able to meditate every day.
Maybe it was that I was on vacation and a little part of me wanted to rebel and self-sabotage from the habits I do every day? Vacation isn’t a time to work hard, it’s a time for leisure and naps. Yes, that makes sense.
The trip of a lifetime I am so grateful for.
Except, not really. I have the data points that remind me that meditation makes me enjoy life, relationships, and experiences so much more. It’s not just about using it as a tool to destress from work, I can objectively say that it helps me every day.
I’ve never been in a time zone that is literally on the other side of the world. There are 11 hours between Thailand and New York, which essentially means that when I go to bed in Thailand, everyone back in the US is living their entire day while I’m asleep.
Living my life while everyone else was asleep was actually great—much less need to check social media or respond in the groupchat.
“Comparison is a killer. That’s why it’s important to carve out time to do what makes YOU happy, and leave any and all comparison at the door.”
But waking up in a time zone 11 hours different from home? Oof. I felt like everyone had lived a life while I was asleep, and I had to catch up on so much.
I’m not sure there is anything more insidious than the feeling that other people are out there living their “huge, fulfilling life” while you’re not. It makes us completely oblivious to everything we should be grateful for right in front of us. It made me want to live a double life—as if one life wasn’t enough. I wanted to catch up with the world because the grass is always greener and even though I was on a once-in-a-lifetime vacation, I was still yearning for what everyone else was doing while I slept.
It reminds me of something Mel Robbins talked about in her book on comparison. What felt so profound was how she talked about comparison not being a driver of motivation, but rather a killer of motivation.
When I compared myself to everyone back in the US living their lives while I went to bed, all it did was make me absent, irritable, and unmotivated. It took up so much of my brain-space for something that wasn’t even tangible. There wasn’t any single, “I’m so jealous they got invited to that event.” There was just a general feeling that others must have it better than me. It’s a feeling that is bonkers to write now, and yet something that all of us have felt at some point in our lives. If we don’t identify, categorize, and redirect it, we’ll keep allowing the best of life to pass us by in a blur.
“...trying to play catch up to other people’s lives backfires every single time.”
The moral of my story is that comparing yourself and trying to play catch up to other people’s lives backfires every single time. And once again, putting blinders on to remind yourself to be present and live your life, means slowing down and practicing gratitude at every chance we get.
